Timberpaw

[Timberpaw]

Name and previous names: Timberkit, Timberpaw (Timbersnow as warrior name)

Gender: Tom

Clan: Thorn

Ranking: Apprentice - Arcticfire is his mentor.

Age in moons: 6 moons

Physical description: Timberpaw is dark chocolate brown with bright emerald eyes. His fur is smooth and sleek like a fish because he keeps it well-groomed. He has small paws and a lanky body, and a long tail that is thin. He is blind in his left eye, making it hard for him to train, but he still tries to do his best.

Mental description: Timberpaw is kind, and like hunting for his Clan. He hates taking care of the elders, but he doesn't complain. He tries to do his best at everything. He sometimes doesn't listen if he doesn't get enough sleep, so be aware of his sharp tongue. He is gentle with the kits of ThornClan, and likes playing games with them on his free time. Sometimes he can be rude if he doesn't feel like doing anything but sleeping, and dreaming about when his family was living.

Personal history: Timberkit grew up with his whole family dead. He was left alone when he was only two moons old. Wolfkit's mother, Amberwing, took care of him, but he held up a grudge. He has always hated Wolfkit, Mountainkit, Swordclaw, and Amberwing, even though they all tried to make him feel better. He was taught how to make fighting moves when he was a kit by Swordclaw. The white tom acted like his father since his family, Crow-wing, Honeybird, Bramblekit, Mothkit, Roguekit, and Brokenkit died.

Places role-played in: N/A

[me]

The history is a little too much like a role-playing post -- please change it slightly so that it reads more like a story about his past, rather than a snapshot of one time during his past. Also add to the written physical description his eye color.

[Timberpaw]

Changed the history. And btw, I did have the eye color. c: It said, Timberpaw is dark chocolate brown with bright neon eyes. The first sentence of the Physical description said that.

[me]

"Neon" isn't a color -- there could be neon red, yellow, green, pink, blue... add the color to it, please.

The history looks fine now. =)